Ukrainian Marriage Agencies


When my Ukrainian girlfriend broke up with me I wasn't thrilled, but I wasn't that surprised either, the relationship was stalled and I knew it was going to end eventually. That she broke up with me did come as a surprise to people back in America who seemed convinced that Ukrainian women would want to marry me for a ride back into America.  They didn't.  Girls there wanted the same thing they wanted from me in America, which was friendship.  The somewhat aggravating result was that most of my peers were hot nineteen year old girls.


The fact that Ukrainian women aren't as desperate as American would like to believe leads me to the topic of Marriage Agencies. 

If you are an American man trying to buy a Ukrainian wife, then you're stupid, you're stupid and I hate you.  The average wife hunter is a man in his forties, not rich but with some money he can be parted from.  And parted he shall be.  The average marriage agency has maybe 100 potential brides listed but will probably only do about two marriages a year. 

Here's how it will play out, depending on how much they think they can milk you for:


Level 1: The marriage agency is trying to screw you over.


Like I said the average agency has maybe 100 potential brides, but a lot of those girls go in and sign up when they're feeling bored, and aren't seriously interested in marriage.  Doesn't matter.  In America a guy can chose a girl to write a letter to for a fee.  None of the girls who actually sign up to be married away ever speak English.  Hence the letter must be translated, so girls who can speak English get jobs as translators (I know how the system works because those girls were my friends).  The bride-to-be usually loses interest in responding first.  But the marriage agency wants to keep milking the guy, so the translator is made to create fake responses to the guy.  Sometimes the girl isn't even at the agency anymore when the guy initiates contact, so the translator is made to fabricate the responses from the beginning.  This can be hard on a translator because one man might send the same letter to three girls who aren't there anymore.


Level 2: The marriage agency and the girl want to screw you over.


At level two the girl also realizes that she can take advantage of you.  She'll write letters for a while, before asking for a gift.  Not a small gift, usually something like a computer.  If the girl is feeling particularly bold she'll claim her gift was stolen and ask for another.  Once she gets this gift, it's over.


Level 3: The marriage agency and the girl want to rake you over coals


This is the stage where the guy actually flies into Ukraine to meet the girl.  The agency will arrange everything for you, hotel, train tickets, guides... at a massive mark up.  The girl?  You'll be lucky if she shows up to meet you.  That's right, girls agree to met a guy from America, then change their mind when he shows up.  Ukrainians generally feel at ease canceling social arrangements without notification, which is aggravating for someone who lives there, but potentially ruinous for someone flying in from America.  If the girl does meet with the man, she's not going to have sex with him (he'll be expecting it) but she will have him take her to the most expensive places in town.  Now keep in mind, brides-to-be never speak English so there will be a translator the whole time.  A typical conversation:

Man: Tell her she's beautiful

Translator: [He says you're beautiful]

Girl: [Tell him he's ugly and I hate him]

Translator: She says she thinks you're beautiful too.

The man usually falls in love with the translator since she can speak English and needs to be nice to clients (while the girl is under no such obligation).


Course every-once and awhile an actual marriage takes place.  That is usually a match made in heaven right there.




I wrote this warning not so much because I am sympathetic to men who sign up for marriage agencies but because I hated being associated with douche bag wife hunters. 

It's not going to happen!

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